Recommended dosage of children

Warning: The following will contain my opinions and thoughts. I'm simply stating what most parents truly feel but are too ashamed to say. I love my daughter with all my heart and am most thankful for her. If you're easily offended at somewhat sarcastic parental humor, then please take this opportunity to navigate away from this page.

I was shopping with my cutie daughter the other day when I found myself in the cereal aisle with a young couple. *Just a side note, I have no idea why I'm so approachable and random strangers tell me everything, but it happens*

"Aww.. How precious! How old is she?"

"She will be two in May. She's a handful, but she cracks me up."

"We're thinking of having children. Do you recommend it?"

Ok, What? First of all, you're asking me, a complete stranger, if I "recommend" having a baby. Second, do we recommend babies like doctors recommend antibiotics? Really?

"Oh, Dr. My life is unfulfilled"

"Well, ma'am take two babies and call me in the morning."

Stop this nonsense right now.

I told the woman yes, I would "recommend" children, but I walked away confused. As I was getting milk, I had the extreme urge to run up to that poor, unsuspecting woman that I had just sentenced to a life of Spongebob Squarepants, potty training, and stretch marks and tell her I lied! No, I don't "recommend" it! Keep your petite figure, keep your own schedule and social life, and for God's sakes you don't have to watch Nickelodeon!

Let's be honest, social life is pretty much over for a few years after a child. We all pretend it's not, but it is! Not too many friends want to hang out with you and the babies. Sure, we could have someone else watch our kids every weekend while we go out and do things, but I talk shit about those kinds of moms all the time. I miss getting dressed up with some slutty heels and going out. I miss drinking at a bar. I want a date with my husband and not feel guilty!

Stretch marks? Honey, I have no idea. I'm thinking about just getting a full body tattoo of a sexy body to cover those bitches up. Don't even get me started on how much different my ass looks now.

Bottom line, I love my daughter with everything in my soul. What should I have said to the couple in the grocery store? Do I "recommend" children? Absolutely, take mine and call me in the morning.

*Side note, No, I would not actually give my child to strangers in the grocery store. So put down the phone, no need to call DCS.*