Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

I wish we could skip Mondays. I just feel the need to share my day.
While my husband is working second shift, I'm trying not to be the sleep hog I normally am. On a normal day, I snooze the alarm clock about 8 times, and then wake up swearing because I'm running late. Oh no, not today... I woke up on the first alarm! I did this for two reasons, a) I didn't want the alarm to bother him, and b) I was hoping to get up earlier so it wouldn't be such a power struggle to dress my daughter. Oh, was I wrong...
About 15 minutes after I had done my zombie stagger to the coffee pot, Sophie woke up, and she was PISSED. (Lesson learned: Sometimes your defense will never be better than their offense) No matter, it's cool. I got her Fruit Loops and juice and she comes with me to fix my hair and make-up. So, as she knocks over her cereal, she screams, "Damn!" Excellent, my two year old just used a swear word in the correct context. Thank you, I will accept the mother of the year award. Whatever, let's just get dressed.
After surgically removing her binky from her mouth, I set off to find her blankets to send to daycare. Ok, we're dressed (and I look mighty sexy, if I do say so myself, perfect make-up, cascading curly hair, I'm a fox today) and ready to walk out the door. Wait, what's that lodged in her mouth? Another binky? Where did it come from?? That's when I found her secret stash of binkys in her room. Crafty little booger hid them in toys so that when I wouldn't give her one she could just self-service. (Lesson learned: Sometimes your offense will never be better than their defense.)
While handing her blankets over to the daycare teacher, i notice something black and lacy on her blanket. What is that? Oh no... is that my panties? Why, yes it is. I'm the dumb ass who forgot to put in the anti static dryer sheet. Wow. Sometimes my domestic prowess amazes even me.
At this point I realize I have not had enough coffee yet, so I pull into Sonic to get an overpriced sub-par latte.
"Yes, I'd like a caramel latte please."
"I'm sorry ma'am, we don't have hot lattes anymore. We only have them iced."
Really?
"Ok, then can I have an iced latte without ice?"
Why the hell would you have one latte and not the other? Coffee is made hot and you add ice to cool it, right? Whatever!
I need some hardcore rap music about this time. I don't look like your typical rap-loving girl, but I'm a rapper at heart. So I put in some old school Master P. Make 'em say UH na na na na. I'm burning up from my morning through hell, so my window is down and the music so loud and I'm rapping with P. Of course I would pull up to some elderly people at the red light, and of course they go to church with my grandmother.
Hell, it's been a long day already and I haven't even made it work.
Do you ever have days at work where you honestly believe that the life is just being sucked out of you?
"Hey, could you check by the fax machine? I think I may have left my soul sitting out there. Thanks"
It was just a day when I couldn't concentrate. Of course, the fatigue and lack of concentration could be attributed to mercury poisoning from all the tuna I'm eating. Setting goals to lose weight is great, but it's kind of a bitch, too.
I'm not participating in Monday next week, just so we're clear. I did learn a lot today:

Sometimes, no matter who makes the plays, Offense or Defense, your team will lose and your two year old's team will be better.
Sometimes you should double check to make sure you put in the anti static sheet.
You should always edit yourself in front of toddlers. (Later in the day, she also repeated "shit" and "retard" as I was having road rage.)
Sometimes you get embarrassed at red lights.
But something to always remember...
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.