More and more lately, I'm beginning to realize that I may be exhibiting some signs of slipping slowly into old age. I now look for coupons for items I use often (75 cents off toothpaste!), we're eating dinner earlier (this is because a 2 year old gets hungry early), and we go to bed at an extraordinarily early hour (no excuse for this), and I have been known to use the phrase "Damn kids."
For Valentine's Day, my husband arranged for our daughter to spend the night at her grandma's house and we were going to have a night of fun. Dinner, drinks, a bar with a band, staying out late. I was so excited and I looked so hot! At the restaurant, we were informed that it would be two hours before we would be seated, so we took this opportunity to drink at the bar and complain about the drink prices (if only we had a coupon!) Our drinks ran us about $40 and we weren't even drunk. Excellent. I think we possibly had the laziest server at the restaurant (damn kids) but at least the food was good, even though we ate way past our usual five in the afternoon.
When we headed to the bar which was just a short walk away, we got comfortable and ordered drinks and settled in to watch probably the worst band I have ever experienced. Can someone please shut that woman up? She sounds in pain. This was the night that the Olympic opening ceremonies were going on and they had some of the TVs on that channel but on mute (of course it was muted, our ears were currently being raped by the tragic sounds of Dying Woman on stage.) I was secretly watching the opening ceremony wishing we could actually hear what was going on. My sweet husband looks at me and says, "I wish we could hear the opening ceremony. Is it bad that I kinda wish we were at home so we could watch this in peace?" Oh yes, this is why we got married.
I used to go out every night, all night. Apparently, after a certain stage in life, you realize that it's not so wonderful. I still enjoy going out and having a good time, but now I also enjoy being grown up (and coupons!) It's strange to think about, but I know at one time I was also a "damn kid," but now I also know that the new "damn kids" will be at the stage I'm at in a couple years. But for now, they can scan my coupons.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Did Jillian call for me?
I love ice cream. I love a bowl full of ice cream, covered in chocolate syrup, toasted pecans, chocolate chips, and maybe just a dash of flaked coconut. Oh yes, I love ice cream. What do I do while eating said ice cream? Why, I watch trashy movies about abusive husbands on Lifetime, of course! I was enjoying aforementioned ice cream and trashy movie when Jillian Michaels popped on the screen. Damn you, Jillian!
Why at this particular moment, when I am indulging in the most perfect bowl of heavenly dairy delights, must you lecture me on changing my life? Of course, everyone feels fat this time of year. I'm fat, you're fat, we're all fat. It's always our New Year's resolution to lose five hundred pounds by August. We will diet for a whole week before caving in and going to that ridiculously greasy (meaning delicious) burger place.
"Yes, I'll have the double-cheese-everything burger with a side of shame please."
Damn you, Jillian. Do you know what I would give to have Jillian Michaels work out with my fat ass for a month? I've seriously tried to convince my husband to dedicate our tax refund to this purpose. So far, it's not going well. She makes it look so effortless, with her perfect abs, go-getter attitude, and nutrition knowledge. Damn you, Jillian.
I'm really trying to get healthier and all that good stuff, but it's so hard and requires work. So far, my workouts consist of Toddler Squats. Hold your toddler in a horizontal position, squat, and LIFT your toddler in the air. Works butt, quads, arms, forearms, abs, shoulders, and hurts your back. For the more advanced Toddler Squatter, try tickling said toddler while airborne. This will cause screaming, which will add a headache to your already pulsating back problems.
My meal plan is simple to follow. Plan on getting up earlier than normal to cook a healthy veggie-egg scramble thing with some turkey bacon. Pack a light salad with some soup for lunch. At work, resist all the snacking going on (chips, crackers, cereal, did I mention there was Girl Scout cookies at work today?) Now at lunch, resist the urge to order the double burger with shame. It sounds good right now, but think about how the zipper popping off your pants sounds. That does not sound good. Since the toddler will need fuel for his or her Toddler Squats later, feed the toddler a grilled cheese and fruit. They will inevitably decide they want your salad as well. So no dinner means less calories.
I also have a real problem working out at home to a DVD when there are people around. Unless you're working out with me, then go away. Seriously, when doing yoga my mini-muffin top hangs over doing the Downward Dog, and I'd rather keep this private. I have no problem with the gym. My husband does though. "Why pay for the membership when you could work out at home or we could run." Yeah, I'm not being chased so I'm not running, and I just covered the whole working out at home thing.
It will happen this year. I'm losing fifty pounds by June. By the way, we are switching the October and June on the calendar. So if anyone sees or talks to Jillian Michaels, tell her to get in touch with me.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, yes, I finished the ice cream with the nuts, syrup, and coconut. It was delicious.
Why at this particular moment, when I am indulging in the most perfect bowl of heavenly dairy delights, must you lecture me on changing my life? Of course, everyone feels fat this time of year. I'm fat, you're fat, we're all fat. It's always our New Year's resolution to lose five hundred pounds by August. We will diet for a whole week before caving in and going to that ridiculously greasy (meaning delicious) burger place.
"Yes, I'll have the double-cheese-everything burger with a side of shame please."
Damn you, Jillian. Do you know what I would give to have Jillian Michaels work out with my fat ass for a month? I've seriously tried to convince my husband to dedicate our tax refund to this purpose. So far, it's not going well. She makes it look so effortless, with her perfect abs, go-getter attitude, and nutrition knowledge. Damn you, Jillian.
I'm really trying to get healthier and all that good stuff, but it's so hard and requires work. So far, my workouts consist of Toddler Squats. Hold your toddler in a horizontal position, squat, and LIFT your toddler in the air. Works butt, quads, arms, forearms, abs, shoulders, and hurts your back. For the more advanced Toddler Squatter, try tickling said toddler while airborne. This will cause screaming, which will add a headache to your already pulsating back problems.
My meal plan is simple to follow. Plan on getting up earlier than normal to cook a healthy veggie-egg scramble thing with some turkey bacon. Pack a light salad with some soup for lunch. At work, resist all the snacking going on (chips, crackers, cereal, did I mention there was Girl Scout cookies at work today?) Now at lunch, resist the urge to order the double burger with shame. It sounds good right now, but think about how the zipper popping off your pants sounds. That does not sound good. Since the toddler will need fuel for his or her Toddler Squats later, feed the toddler a grilled cheese and fruit. They will inevitably decide they want your salad as well. So no dinner means less calories.
I also have a real problem working out at home to a DVD when there are people around. Unless you're working out with me, then go away. Seriously, when doing yoga my mini-muffin top hangs over doing the Downward Dog, and I'd rather keep this private. I have no problem with the gym. My husband does though. "Why pay for the membership when you could work out at home or we could run." Yeah, I'm not being chased so I'm not running, and I just covered the whole working out at home thing.
It will happen this year. I'm losing fifty pounds by June. By the way, we are switching the October and June on the calendar. So if anyone sees or talks to Jillian Michaels, tell her to get in touch with me.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering, yes, I finished the ice cream with the nuts, syrup, and coconut. It was delicious.
Friday, February 5, 2010
No wonder our children are rotting...
Today there was a school shooting in Huntsville, AL, which is about 40 minutes from my house. A ninth (yes ninth!)grader took it upon himself to bring a gun to school and open fire on another ninth (yes ninth!) grader. I'm not sure how old the shooter is, but I would guess 14 or 15. The injured boy is 14. He is currently listed in super ultra critical condition (that's is absolutely a medical term).
I am currently listed in a state of utter disbelief. It seems the drugs, sex, violence, and dumbassery (yeah, my word)are starting earlier and earlier. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but what can we expect with the crap that kids are pounded with everyday. What could have been so bad that this kid needed a gun? I don't get it. I watched a A&E special about young kids huffing to get high. One kid was 10! Really?
I just tucked my little girl into bed. As I looked at her sweet little face looking back at me smiling, all I could think about was protecting her from the world. I know there are crazy people in the world and that won't ever change. But when did these young, young kids start acting like this? Society is making them grow up too fast.
I know this is kind of random and I'm rambling, but I'm so confused about this. What will be happening when my babies are teenagers?
I am currently listed in a state of utter disbelief. It seems the drugs, sex, violence, and dumbassery (yeah, my word)are starting earlier and earlier. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but what can we expect with the crap that kids are pounded with everyday. What could have been so bad that this kid needed a gun? I don't get it. I watched a A&E special about young kids huffing to get high. One kid was 10! Really?
I just tucked my little girl into bed. As I looked at her sweet little face looking back at me smiling, all I could think about was protecting her from the world. I know there are crazy people in the world and that won't ever change. But when did these young, young kids start acting like this? Society is making them grow up too fast.
I know this is kind of random and I'm rambling, but I'm so confused about this. What will be happening when my babies are teenagers?
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