When I grow up.....

Every so often, a moment will take place in which you will ask yourself, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" After said moment is over and the ice cream is eaten to comfort that moment of failure, it makes me question so much. How do you figure out what your passion is?

If you are one of those people who know what your passion is, stop reading this immediately and go do yoga or something. I, unfortunately, didn't have the luxury of parents who forced me to try things like dance, gymnastics, or little league sports. Thanks guys. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was just a load off their chest to see me graduate without being pregnant or having any drug or alcohol addiction. So again, thanks, your lack of support in the normal childhood activites fucked me right over in many ways. Not only do I have fears of trying new things, but I'm also a total spaz when I finally overcome aforementioned fear and try things. Yeah, I'm blaming my parents, do you have a problem with that?

That being said, I'm not really good at anything that counts. I'm good at sex, but I doubt that means I should become a high-class call girl. I'm decent at painting, but artists are more famous post-mortem. I just don't have that kind of time. I like to eat so I couldn't really do the whole "starving artist" thing. Even if I became good at it, I have a 2 year old who has more energy than a Coke bottle that has been shaken for the last twenty minutes.

When I was younger, I used to want to write edgy books for the tween crowd. Now that I look back on some pieces I wrote, it seems that I would be catering to the gay and lesbian teens who are still struggling to accept themselves. (Which actually may not be a bad idea) I'm straight, but everyone could use another gay advocate!

One time I heard a comedian say that we should all just be whatever we wanted to be when we were 3. The world would be full of ballerinas, fireman, presidents, ninjas, and astronauts. Besides putting a rather hilarious image in my head, it actually may be a good point. What if our first idea about our future is our best idea?

I've decided that I'm not getting younger and if I want to be truly happy everyday that I must find out what I truly love to do. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I hope I figure out my passion and I also hope it pays well.